AM Bradio

I’m not in a good place.

I’m tired.

This hope. This optimism. I’m the one that carries it. I’m the carrier. It’s getting too heavy.

I don’t want to. I don’t want to be the light. Tonight I want to be the dark.

Tonight I don’t have the strength. I’m the giver. I’m the doer. I’m the creative. I create space. Space for safety. Space for love. Space for inspiration. Space for joy. Space for You.

It’s all for You. Every single one of You.

Somehow I keep forgetting how to make that same space for Me. Clearly old habits die hard.

How about one of you make that same space for me? I’m tired.

All the things I wanted. I did them. No one told me they wouldn’t be good. No one told me that the things I hoped wouldn’t be good enough for You. No one told me they would be very different than I imagined. No one told me that in doing I would create a prison I could only escape through death.

And after all I’ve done and the shit it’s produced….maybe I fear that the release I think death may be, the peace expected to be there in final rest…..maybe that won’t be either.

Maybe my hope is just a bunch of BS.

Maybe I should just go to sleep but my dreams are constant nightmares so I don’t even find solace there.

What is my divine purpose?

What if there isn’t one.

What if…..there isn’t one.